does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize