I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
