I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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