It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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