my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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