He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
