i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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