i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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