worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
