i was born a porn star she said
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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