I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
