in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
