I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual