i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer