When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sorry about my life...