and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic