If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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