Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
