Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
