Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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