just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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