Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
