my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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