ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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