My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
