the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
