The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
