There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
