there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
