God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
