We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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