but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
