omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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