and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That's intense
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can I color on your dick again?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
