Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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