I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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