loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
