do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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