i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
