You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
