Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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