is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
