Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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