Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
