The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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