What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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