ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize