everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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