I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
