Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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