dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
