Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
