watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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