get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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