I want to have your abortion
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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