In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
