Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
