well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
