If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
