think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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