last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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