For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Congratulations! We have a period
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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