my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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