The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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