Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
