this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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