"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
