So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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