She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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