you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
