Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
