watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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