Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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