I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
